by Ricky Doc Sauceda
John 10:27 - My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.
In my stories I have shared, I have revealed being molested by an uncle, being abused by my father, and having to save my mother’s life one horrible night when my father attacked her. For some reason, my cousins ridiculed me on both sides of my family – they were always making fun of me. My aunts were always jesting at one thing or another about me. I was always gaining and losing weight, and when I was husky they would taunt me.
It was always something. I had to endure a lot of nonsense as a boy growing up. I was never popular in school and I always felt awkward. I had a few friends, but mostly I had my sisters to communicate with. My oldest sister, whom I always loved and would always do as she requested. My second eldest and was “touch and go.” I mean one moment she was your best friend and the next she was your worst enemy. My third and youngest sister was playful and we were close; she was always a friend.
Now, I am referring to my growing years in Conroe, Texas…we actually lived in a smaller town of Cut and Shoot that was Northeast of Conroe. We either bussed in or were driven to school by mom.
What I understand now is the reason I was different in school. My home environment directly impacted my mind and how I functioned around people. Because of my mental baggage I was not a good student, and school was more of a refuge from the problems I faced at home. It wasn’t always bad, but it was not the greatest either. I guess everyone is mostly in this situation.
The years passed and I became a teenager…one with a wanting to find happiness somewhere in the world. This would work for and against me in my future. In Junior High I met a young man who would greatly impact my life, my best friend…Harold. His dad was an atheist and his mom was a struggling Christian. I was in seventh grade when I met him in band class. I played the baritone and he was a drummer.
I found out that he lived across from my Aunt Ruby’s house in town. I wandered on over to his home when we went to visit my aunt one day. This is the day we became friends and it was a day I wish had never happened. I wish I had just stayed at my aunt’s house, but being this was the home of the cruelest person I have ever known…I went across the street.
The school year was 1975-1976 and Harold and I were amazingly compatible. I would go and spend days with him and sleep over at his house. His parents were separated and his mom was always working. She was a good woman and worked at the cafe at the Holiday Inn in town. Harold and I were usually alone when I was with him. He introduced me to marijuana, beer and bourbon whiskey. Now, you see why I wish we hadn’t met.
It was somewhere between that year and the next my dad attacked my mom. Now, I had a huge weight on me that I couldn’t deal with. I was in misery and it showed in all kinds of ways. The year before I had only messed around with pot and drinking. Now, it was a vice to forget about my life. I couldn’t wait to get high or drunk, but I would only do it on weekends. I did take up cigarette smoking and I smoked a lot…up to two packs a day.
It was now 1976-1977…my eighth grade year. I actually flunked that year, but was passed on because I was a concern of the school administration. It wasn’t so much that I was such a bad apple; it was that I scared them. Here’s why: I was with another friend who lived close by to me in Cut and Shoot. I saw the Assistant Principal driving down FM 1485 and decided to do something completely crazy. I had my .22 caliber rifle with me and held it up and started firing. It was a semiautomatic and I just kept pulling the trigger until I emptied it.
Luckily for me, I was too far off to be accurate. What had caused this? I mention in one of my stories that my band director had given me three swats that made me limp for three months. The Assistant Principle was present as this took place in his office…I was upset at the man for being a part of that.
I later shared this story with him and he just stared at me blankly. He told me the bullets are capable of traveling for a mile or more. He asked if I was joking…I told him I was telling him the truth. We never spoke again for the rest of the year. When I checked my last report card it was marked “PASS” – even though I hadn’t. So, Conroe High School was in my future for the next year.
I had a girlfriend who I had been fond of since third grade. I was completely infatuated with her. I couldn’t get her out of my mind for anything. Well, she became my girlfriend after many years of pursuit. We shared our first kisses at her house one night. It was so passionate and I thought my head was going to explode…it was so hot and my heart was pounding. All of that emotion for a simple series of mouth-to-mouth kisses. To this day, it is the hallmark moment of my young life.
We had an event that I was affected by for a good while. Harold invited her to a party while I was away visiting cousins in South Texas - Harlingen. I stayed there for two months just to get away from my troubles at home. My girlfriend knew nothing of them…I did not reveal any of this to her. While with my cousins, I partied even more. When I got back from the visit, I called her to announce my return. Without explanation, she broke up with me. Just like that. It really messed me up. I would suffer from this in a different way than I had ever imagined. A broken heart is torture to a person. She had no idea what she had done; of what consequences it had.
Now, I was really messed up. My ninth grade school year began and I met a new friend in English class. His dad was a widow, as his mother had passed away from a brain seizure within the past couple of years. He had an older brother and I was now partying during the school week and it cost me in many ways. I had made a chair in the marching band and was very good, but I didn’t care. I missed a game and I bumped into two other section members in their church parking lot as I was crossing that Sunday morning. I was hung over and feeling groggy and they saw me and came over to me. We talked and they wanted to know what happened on game night. I don’t know what I told them…I can’t remember. All I know is I got disciplined for missing the game. I had to go and sit outside with the assistant band director who was marking the practice field.
This is the same man who had been my band director for the two past years in junior high school. He moved up to the high school as the assistant band director. With my problems, my break up and now the man who caused me to limp for three months telling me about life – I walked away. Literally. I got up and walked to my new friend’s house and got wasted.
So far, you haven’t seen me mention God, the bible…anything of it at all. It hadn’t happened up until about now. When I had reached the end of my capability of handling my misery. He (the Lord) was waiting for me in the form of several people. We are his parts of the Body of Christ on earth. This is important to remember. Let me now show you how this works.
A new kid in town was in the band too. His name was Bruce Estes. I also had him in the same class I met my new friend in. Bruce was tall and heavy and wore glasses. He was always smiling and was a good Christian. He was observant about me…to the point that he spoke to me about what he noticed about me. He could tell I was in some sort of pain. He and I would talk about life in the context of how a Christian should live. He was always telling me that I was really a good person and that I would wake up someday. He continually encouraged me throughout the year.
He signed my yearbook with this message:
Ricky,
You’ve been great this year. When I first moved here I needed new friends and you were one of the first.
Thanks,
Bruce Estes ‘78
In that same English class was a girl named Mary Duggan. She dipped Skoal, rode a motorcycle and loved to go bowling. I somehow developed a crush on her…seriously. Well, her daddy owned and operated an Exxon gas station on N. Frazier. Her mom was a housewife and she had two sisters and one younger brother. They were a good Baptist family and became friends of mine in a time when I needed them in my life. One afternoon Mrs. Duggan walked over to me and said, “I have something I want you to read.”
She led me to the living room and handed me a comic book. She told me to be patient and to trust her. She asked that I read it thoroughly and afterward would answer any questions that I had. It was a comic book based on the Revelation and was unlike anything I had ever seen in my life. This book was the beginning of my spiritual awakening. I would never be the same after reading it. It was simple in form but accurate and bible-based.
I didn’t know the Lord Jesus Christ like this. My church was simplistic in its approach to how it taught the elements of salvation to its members. What the Catholic Church teaches is indeed bible-based and seems strange to the Protestant, but the God all Christians follow dwells there. What I learned from Mrs. Duggan was a different way of learning…a different way of sharing…a different way of knowing the Lord.
I learned that day not to fear my fellow Christians in the world. I learned to open my eyes, heart and mind to the ways of the Lord. We are all parts of Him…and we need each other to complete the workings of the Lord. Unity of all Christians is vital for one reason…we are the Royal Priesthood:
1 Peter 2:9,10
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
After a night of partying at my new friend’s house, we discovered a story in the local paper. My friend Bruce had died of electrocution from a weed eater. He had just finished mowing and was trimming, when dusk was setting in. In the country, dew forms at dusk and the combination of his sweat and the dew caused the device to shock him to death. He had been missing all night and his parents were very alarmed. He had never misbehaved before and they didn’t know what to think. His father discovered him the next morning as he was leaving for work. The current of electricity was still running through his body.
My friend and I were taken by surprise at this, as were all of Bruce’s family and friends. We walked over to the funeral home to pay our respects, but he was no longer there. His body had been transferred back home for burial…the home from where they had moved. I would be impacted by this in a great way later on. It would drive me to change my life.
So, now I was struggling to keep suffering and finding comfort in drugs and booze or to seek it in faith in God. For the time, the drugs and booze were my answer. I had now moved on to pills along with pot and booze. Satan was still influencing me. My new friend was now dating my ex-girlfriend and we had a falling out. I was now back with Harold and things were going to really get crazy now.
Harold had some new friends too. One liked to inhale from spray cans and the others were mischievous. It was decided we would break into a dry cleaning store and steal from the safe. It was supposed to have a lot of money prepared for a deposit. We pulled off the caper and were disappointed to find a moneybag of nickels. It was enough to buy one can of underarm deodorant. We shared it but I would never repeat this act – robbing or inhaling.
I now met some new Christian friends: Jennifer Waldo, Cathy Carrier and Donna Gayle Rickman. Each of them would help me to make decision to change. A decision I have never regretted…ever. There are some more things to share before I made the decision to seek the Lord. Here we go.
I had more parties and was a mess. I had flunked ninth grade and was repeating. Personally, I was not grooming for any big college dreams – I really had no idea of what I was doing. But, I really needed to do something for myself and I knew it. Things just couldn’t continue like they had been. I kept thinking of how “ready” Bruce was for his moment of death. I realized that if I was to die at that time, I wasn’t ready like Bruce. I knew I needed to “get right with God.”
I was always going into town with Harold and would deceive mom on a regular basis about getting back home by a certain time. The time came for God to intervene. He placed a promise in me that I shared with mom. I told her I would be home that night and for once I meant it. Harold and the gang had stumbled upon a $100 bill in a parking lot. So, naturally the thing to do was to go and buy a bag of weed. Of all the places, we picked Dugan – the area where the poor ethnic people of color lived in town. This was an all-day affair. The entire neighborhood was aware that a car load of crazy white boys (and me) were there to buy weed.
We finally scored, but it was just starting to get dark. We were advised to make haste and leave the area before some misfortune fell upon us. We were told people knew why we had come and that as soon as it got dark, it would be unwise for us to be there. So, we hauled out of there quickly.
For some reason, I couldn’t get home. I pictured mom staying up worrying and praying for her crazy son. I felt bad and I couldn’t sleep at the house we were at. I was told I couldn’t even use the phone because the parents of the brothers did not know they had guests. We were all there without permission – about four of us. I fretted over my mom all night long. I felt terrible. As the sun came up, a man was backing his pickup truck out of his driveway. He hit Harold’s car and the room emptied as everyone clamored out to investigate.
I took the opportunity to call mom. I told her where I was and she came for me. She had picked me up there once before. I was so relieved to see her. It was a cold morning and the car was nice and warm and mom was dressed for church. I told Harold that I had called his mom too. He was pretty upset at me.
Later that year, Harold and I were growing our own marijuana plants. His mom found his and called my mom and advised her to search for any I might be growing. Mom found it and was peeved at me something fierce. It was so cute…little leaves and just growing daily. Mom flushed my cute plant without hesitation. Harold and I were visiting at his house one afternoon and his mom got home. She called mom and told her to come and pick me up. She revealed to me Harold had beaten her and that she forbade me to associate with him. She said I was a good boy and had potential to have a good life and be a good man. She said that because she loved me, she didn’t ever want to see me at her house ever again. She hugged my mom and repeated the words to her and they agreed to keep us apart. I never saw Harold again.
Mrs. Burson (Harold’s mom) later founded a charitable organization that helped the needy in Conroe. I read about her in the Conroe Courier. Harold was always making fun of the fellowshipers that would come by to visit with his mom. He had glow posters of demons in his room, a warlock encyclopedia set, and various skulls and other items. He hated God at the time.
My friends Jennifer, Cathy and Donna were classmates that I saw daily. I shared with them and they were influential to my faith throughout that school year. It grew slowly every day. I was no longer misbehaving and was actually about to begin volunteer work at the county hospital. My walk had gotten strong and I was about to experience an event that would forever change me.
The end of the school year was coming. I was focusing on my bible reading, Christian radio (KHCB in Houston, Texas) and the PTL Club ministry. It all meant the world to me. I was discovering Jesus in a personal way…the very thing we are supposed to do. Then I took the plunge! I recited the sinner’s prayer and a marvelous event took place. I heard the voice of the Lord…the Holy Spirit spoke within me. He told me he was happy that I finally came to Him and that good things would be in my life.
He said that He would use me for His purposes when the time came. Friends, that time is now…here with you. You are my ministry’s purpose. I will not become a great anything in life. I will not prosper for this in any other way than to be happy in my faith. I am a Christian and I am joyful of heart to have God in my life. He is the peace within me and I am strong in Him. I would wither and fade away without Him.
I didn’t even intend to have a ministry. What is a ministry? It is the act of serving and being an instrument of the Lord. Mine is so simple. I don’t have a complex set-up and diverse resources. I have the Word to inspire me and I proudly proclaim the Lord as Savior.
What is it like to hear, yes, literally hear the voice of the Holy Spirit? It is beautiful. It is a gift. It is something that will drive you. How? Let me tell you the rest of the story of what happened next.
My friend Donna was very spiritual. If it was one person I felt I could tell of my encounter with God’s voice it was she. Wrong. She ended our friendship as soon as I spoke this story to her on the phone. She asked that I not call her ever again. I have no idea whatever became of her, but she was a good friend that I treasured. I lost a great friend when I revealed my story to her.
From there, I took what the Lord had said to me very seriously. I began to eat healthy, work out regularly and run…lots of running. Since we lived in the country, I could run wherever I wanted to. And I did. I leaned down and got very strong. I was experiencing my faith every day in bible reading, radio sermons and TV celebration with the PTL Club…don’t get into their later events. It is important that the work being done was real. That is the part that mattered to me…I was inspired to recite the sinner’s prayer by them.
An example of the Sinner’s Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I know that I have sinned against you and that my sins separate me from you. I am truly sorry. I now want to turn away from my sinful past and turn to you for forgiveness. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your Son, Jesus Christ, died for my sins, that He was raised from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become my Savior and the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You and to convict me when I sin. I pledge to grow in grace and knowledge of you. My greatest purpose in life is to follow your example and do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Mrs. Burson was able to serve the Lord in a great way. I was so proud to read of her charity and its good work. Bruce was ready to go to the Lord because he had been raised that way and accepted it as his own belief. The Duggan family moved before the next year to Navasota, Texas – I never heard from them ever again. Jennifer, Cathy and Donna are many years removed from my life but I will always remember them for the foundation they helped me to build. They were parts of the Body of Christ that helped me to become a Believer.
1 Corinthians 12:27-30
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret?
Now, it is up to us to be the parts that help our brothers and sisters in this world. Just like I was helped, we need to reach out and do the workings of our Lord. Who else is there? We are the followers, not the Buddhists, Muslims, Hinduists or any other foreign entity from other religions. We know the story and truth of Jesus Christ and He alone is the Savior. We must persist with love and kindness to share the Word. Did you notice that?
Did you notice that nobody in my story forced me to believe?
John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Please accept Jesus as your personal Savior. If you are a follower or if you need to follow…bless you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.