by Ricky Doc Sauceda
As I awoke today, the Lord spoke to me "in Spirit." He was urgent with His message and was very specific with me. He said to awaken and fellowship, go for a good walk and one more thing...which I won't reveal. I have done as He has asked of me, and the last one will require the rest of my day. What I shared on my facebook page today was very much what I personally needed to hear. I always say that what I am actually doing is sharing what it takes to motivate myself each day. That still stands.
As I went for my long walk this morning, I took along iDoc (my iPod Nano) and listened to Shannon Wexelberg's "I Have A Song" album once again. I was stunned at the experience - I felt "in touch" with the Lord in Spirit. It was so wonderful...I had forgotten about this sensation. I have not been dedicated to a daily regimen in over a year now. It shows: I am heavier and I don't smile as much.
What kept me on a daily workout routine was pain - it drove me. Time has passed and I have healed from my separation and divorce. That encounter with Mia Angela caused me to go into another phase - depression. I was overcome with trying to figure out how and when things could work in that situation.
Today, I realized something - it can't and won't. I won't share what made me open my eyes about this, but it was so vivid/clear as to what I need to do in regards to that part of my past. Let it go - completely. It is a dark area that caused me a lot of suffering and anguish. There is no reason for me to pursuit any feelings there. I was fortunate to overcome that situation and must count my blessings. After what I saw this morning, I know that I must resume my good and true path.
That means I must accept being alone in this world for now. As I walked, I looked around at my surroundings and considered my journey here the last year and a half. I have adapted to a new job, walked and biked as a mode of transportation and now drive a great car. One day at a time I have been blessed with what I need.
I feel awake now...I haven't been feeling that way. I knew better than to stop Daily Devotions, Daily Prayer and listening to Christian Ministry. I knew better than to stop reading and living The Holy Bible. I knew better than to stop talking to the Lord in Spirit. I knew better than to stop being a Christian man.
I was deeply hurt by Mia Angela. I was crushed by losing personal relationships with two out of three of my children. I am very fortunate to have one child's true love. My job is very stressful and I had to undergo personal attacks by a supervisor this past year. All of these things took their toll on my peace.
I am on vacation this week and will use it as a time of planning...strategy...focus. We cannot live in a perfect world, but that does not mean that we have to give up being peaceful. Today is a good day for me as a Christian man. I am feeling so good...alive.