by Ricky Doc Sauceda
Job 38:3
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Ricky Jr and his siblings recall good things about their daddy. They tend to reflect on the virtues and qualities that I instilled into them. The older two, Ricky Jr and Teri, struggle with who I am now. They see me as lost and misguided. The youngest, Chris, is very loving and does not judge me.
Chris tried to call me yesterday because he wanted to treat me to dinner. Only, I was out getting my three miles done. I went to the grocery store last night and left my phone behind. He called while I was out. I called him and we talked for awhile.
I enjoyed my time with Ricky Jr this morning, but it was hard. Being with him requires patience and humbleness. I have to allow him to speak his mind and make his points. This makes him feel satisfied...to know that he got his two cents in. I don't like being judged. Who does?
He did share that while in the last stages of my marriage to his mom he had to endure hearing stories of my behavior on bowling nights. I was in a league with a few co-workers. They have added to the true events that took place during our Wednesday night outings.
I have always been a friendly person. I would go and talk to various people and socialize. They give him the idea that I was womanizing and carousing. I am so disappointed in this. It really hurts that they would elaborate on the truth and embellish it with false accounts. I was always faithful to my ex.
Ricky Jr really thinks poorly of me in this period of time. I wanted to be with him the day of his testing for cancer but he would not allow me to be. I am floored that my son wants to label me and place me into an unloving place in his life. I was always there for him as he was growing up.
He says he has been waiting for me to do something with my life. He feels it will be big...something special. I have no idea where he gets this feeling. I work hard in a very meager job for wages that just get me by each month.
I work, I am trying to take better care of myself these days, I interact a lot here on facebook because it is a great place for me to share - a true social network that I embrace. I am nobody special in this world. All I am is one person who is not afraid to express himself. I have no walls or boundaries in this area.
Every day that I breathe, I feel is a gift. I truly see life that way. I once had a wife and children to surround me each day. Now I don't. That fact killed my earthly person. God resuscitated me and gives me a purpose to live now.
Ricky Jr and anyone else can go ahead and judge me. I forgive him and anyone else who does. I know what is important.
I will be joining my momma and daddy in the presence of our holy Lord. That time is unknown to me. But, it is coming. I look very forward to the glory of that day. I miss my parents very much.
I am not perfect, never will be. God provided a Saviour for all of us. It is only because of my faith in Lord Jesus Christ that I will be in the New Jerusalem. I am very thankful for this gift.
Amen.