by Ricky Doc Sauceda
I have been opening up about my younger years, and it is important. It is my testimony as to why I am a Christian man today. I was not in bad sorts due to recklessness, wantonness, or intent. I was a young man dealing with a lot of pain. I was sexually molested as a young boy by an uncle, and nothing more than "let it go, God loves you" was dealt as my therapy. Of course, there was anger and emotion for the adults, but for me it was something I would carry for awhile.
I was also abused by my father...frequently. I had the misfortune of setting his temper off with just about anything I did. I sometimes was beat like a man when he got angry enough. It was a living hell growing up under that man's reign. Then, it got ugly. Oh, yes...it got worse. My dad loved women and the more the better. Those pictures of him I have that have him in a back lawn wearing a suit are of him in Florida. He had left me, my mom and sisters to run off with a girlfriend. He was gone about a year and the whole time I had to hear about how worthless he was from my only living grandparent...my mom's mother. I remember mom crying and I told her "It's okay mommy, I'll be your man."
It was like I had to answer for dad's bad behavior because grandma Lizzardi gave me nothing but hardship. She added to my misery and all it did was heap more mental baggage onto my life. I was quite a mischievous lad due to all of this. I was always wandering away from home and finding things to do. When we first came to the Houston area, we lived off Homestead Road and Hwy 59...the Aldine area. I was a loner, as I had no playmates. I was constantly being sent outside to play...by myself.
Then we moved to Cut & Shoot, for some ungodly reason. I say that because due to my foreign appearance, we were all harassed our first day on the school bus. On the ride home it got really ugly. Kids were picking on my sisters and making them cry so I stood up and told them to leave them alone. They got some little boy to stand in front of me to fight...his dad was a champion boxer and he knew how to box. Well, in a heart beat I was on the floor of the bus dizzy and bleeding from a busted lower lip. My mom called the superintendent and didn't get much accomplished, so she started taking us to school herself.
When we moved to Cut & Shoot, dad had come back. In time, he longed to see that old girlfriend. He took me with him to go and see her on a Saturday. Mom had gone into Houston to spend the day with her sisters shopping. Dad shut me in a room with a bare mattress on the floor and a little black and white television - at least they fed me beforehand. He told me not to say anything on the way home...I told mom the whole story. (Just like I told her about my uncle molesting me...he told me to keep quiet about it.)
So, they end up getting into it over this. The girlfriend came over and crashed into mom's car, and then she came into the house calling mom names and wielding a big knife. Well, that just caused my sisters to go into hysteria. All I remember is dad holding his girlfriend back and calling her "baby." It was sickening.
Years later, about five...hell broke loose one night. Dad attacked mom in their bedroom. He was strangling her on the bed. The girls were once again in hysteria and pleading with me to do something to save mom. I grabbed my shotgun and aimed it at my dad and I warned him that if he didn't turn mom loose...I was going to shoot him. I was never the same after that night. Dad left the next morning and that was the end of their marriage.
I was about to start eighth grade when that took place. I don't think any of my classmates picked up on any strange behavior from me. I have no idea. I was in marching band and had trouble with my band director...he reminded me of my dad. He gave me three swats in the Dean's office. I limped for three months afterward; I guess he didn't like me much either.
That is when it started...marijuana cigarettes, beer, bourbon and whatever else me and my buddy could rustle up. I had just finally flipped my gourde and was venting in a bad way. I had been abused in one form or another all of my life, and then my band director pushed me over the edge. The darkness stayed for about two years. I really don't remember much of my freshman year at high school...I was a mess. I recall kids I met and liked but as far as classes, forget it.
By the end of my "repeat freshman" year, I was starting to wise up. I had met some great Christian friends and they opened my eyes to a different faith...one that required more belief than what I ever thought I was capable of. It was comical to me at first...Armageddon and Final Judgment...and I was on drugs?! But, I finally started to understand it. Jesus Christ can make pain vanish! He did it for me and for millions of others...I love Him for rescuing me from my misery.
I have left out some details...they would make you shake. It is amazing what a kid can get himself into when they are in pain and can't think straight. The loving Duggan family are responsible for setting me on my path of salvation. Jesus loved me so much, He put them into my life. I had a "born again" experience in the summer before my sophomore year and mom moved us to Missouri City so I could start out with a clean slate. I am glad she did, but I did learn a lot about life in Cut & Shoot and Conroe and made some good friends.
I was a new person in Christ and I eventually graduated high school, but from Channelview in 1982...we moved yet again. So, that is my concise story for you to read. This is my testimony of my faith conversion as a young man in the summer of 1979.
Praise the Lord!