by Ricky Doc Sauceda
Well, my son moved his belongings to a new apartment. The cat is still with me for another night - she is resting at the foot of the bed. She is concerned over the empty room, and looked up and meowed as if to say,"Where's Chris?" She will reunite with him soon.
I spoke with my eldest child, Ricky Jr, while we were outside at the moving truck. He says the reason I keep hearing that they (my children) are disappointed in me is that they saw me as the strength of the family. I had raised them with the philosophy that nothing is more important than family - ever. They feel I have broken that covenant with them in regards to the divorce from my former wife in September 2009.
After I got back from helping move, I pondered what it is that I am guilty of. It is valid that they criticize me. It started with the story "Consider This." Not the story itself but the actual event in time. When Yolanda left me, I never recovered from her desertion when I needed her most. It lingered in my mind and I never fully trusted her ever again. We were always fighting and there was little to be happy about. It seems we were together for the sake of the children. In truth, we both no longer loved each other.
In my story, Mia Angela, I explain how the Lord expects me to be towards her. I was not patient, kind, caring, sincere, passionate or attentive to my ex wife at the end of our relationship. I didn't care what she did or where she went - I just lived my own life. It was very destructive towards our marriage and attributed to its demise.
I stationed myself in the empty room and began to confess my defective actions to the Lord. I cried and confessed the things I had done wrong and the things I failed to do as a husband and father. He eventually settled me down and asked me to read my daily scripture and pray. I feel better now and I wanted to share this with you. I want you to know that when we stumble, it is so important to get up and walk on the path. We all know where it is and how to get there. Father Frank says the two words we need to say when coming clean are "I'M SORRY."
Things don't look so good in regards to a union with Mia Angela. Things don't look so good in regards to my relationships with my children. Things don't look so good in regards to my personal life, work and accountability. All of the aspects of my life will rely on the power and blessing of the Lord - period. I am such a mess that only He can mend it. The thing I realize is that part of this is mine and part of it is the Lord - to bring me closer to Him.
Just like the night of October 31st of 2010, He told me to be confident in Him. He told me to stay on His path and in His light, to seek and use His wisdom and knowledge, and to live in the ways that please Him.
He says,"Be ready."