by Ricky Doc Sauceda
John 16:33
I have said this to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.
I mention in my short story that one of my good friends of that school year was Cathy Carrier. It was our relationship that caused me not to go to Nancy's special party. Cathy is someone who I could completely talk to and I revealed a lot of what was going on in my life to her. I just did not realize exactly how strong she was as a person until one night when I couldn't get through to her. She was away for the evening and was not available to talk to me. It was either a Friday or Saturday night. Her older sister answered the phone and was very nice.
I told her sister that I was feeling down and needed to talk to Cathy because she had a way of making me feel better. So, her sister offered to listen to me and see what she could do. I talked about some issues I was dealing with and she tried her best to converse with me. She was not very helpful but she was very nice and pleasant. I could tell she was not comfortable with my topics. So, we ended the phone call.
I cannot recall exactly what took place next...it was either on the phone or in school. Cathy told me she was no longer allowed to talk to me on the phone. Her sister had a breakdown after we finished our conversation. When the family returned with Cathy from their outing, they found her balled up and crying. She was emotionally traumatized by what I had been telling her.
So, by the time Nancy decides to throw this party I am considering what might take place in her life. She knew a little about my being a bad boy, but she had no idea of what kind of "mess" I was carrying around in my mind. I was very afraid of ruining her life. I was concerned about what her family would think about me once they became aware of my issues with depression, drug and alcohol use and tendencies to vent my emotions by irrational behavior.
I did not want her dealing with any of this. My friends endured this throughout that school year and somehow stayed true to me. I am glad they did because I learned what "real" friends were like because of them. They stuck it out and stood by me and they insisted I was a good person "deep inside." Just like Bruce Estes used to tell me.
They were right.